


love me, hate me

by imposterhuman



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 3+1, F/M, Fluff, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Secret Relationship, Team as Family, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, soft tony stark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:07:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24883570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imposterhuman/pseuds/imposterhuman
Summary: “You’re in my way, Stark,” Natasha said, pushing past Tony into the kitchen.Tony stumbled back dramatically, narrowing his eyes at her. “She shoved me!” he announced to the room at large, which was mostly empty. “That’s assault! I’m suing! JARVIS, call my lawyers!”“I’ll show you assault,” she hissed, fingers tightening around the mug she’d grabbed from the cabinet like it was a weapon.“Can you two get along for one morning?” Steve asked tiredly, putting his head in his hands. His own coffee sat abandoned on the table in front of him. “Seriously. How old are you guys again? Haven’t you outgrown pigtail pulling?”“Don’t give her ideas,” Tony groaned.or, three times the avengers thought natasha and tony hated each other, and one time they knew better
Relationships: Natasha Romanov/Tony Stark
Comments: 15
Kudos: 318





	love me, hate me

**Author's Note:**

> enjoy!!

  1. **Steve**



“You’re in my way, Stark,” Natasha said, pushing past Tony into the kitchen. 

Tony stumbled back dramatically, narrowing his eyes at her. “She shoved me!” he announced to the room at large, which was mostly empty. “That’s assault! I’m suing! JARVIS, call my lawyers!”

“I’ll show you assault,” she hissed, fingers tightening around the mug she’d grabbed from the cabinet like it was a weapon. She was bringing her arm back to throw it at him (and miss, probably, depending on whether or not he flashed her that smug smile of his) when Steve interrupted.

“Can you two get along for one morning?” he asked tiredly, putting his head in his hands. His own coffee sat abandoned on the table in front of him. “Seriously. How old are you guys again? Haven’t you outgrown pigtail pulling?”

“Don’t give her ideas,” Tony groaned, his hands flying up to his hair as if to protect it. “When she pulls out my hair and I’m bald, Cap, I’m blaming you. Loudly and obnoxiously.”

“Oh, so no different than how you are normally,” Natasha smiled sweetly as Tony stuck his tongue out at her. Not his best retort, but it did get his feelings across. 

Tony turned to Steve and opened his mouth as if to complain more, but the other man threw his hands up in the air and fled the kitchen, a tacit surrender to the continuation of Natasha and Tony’s rivalry. It was an accepted fact around the Tower that Natasha and Tony hated each other, probably as a result of her spying on him before the Avengers were a thing, and the sooner he got that through his head, the better. 

Natasha kept the sneer on her face until she was sure Steve was out of earshot. Once he was, she let it melt into a warm smile. Well, warm for her standards. It was somewhere between a quirking of lips and a muscle spasm, so Tony knew exactly what it meant. 

“I think he’s still convinced we hate each other,” Tony said after a beat of cautious silence. “Hell, you almost had me convinced, and I spent the morning making out with you.”

She wrinkled her nose. “You continue to astound me with your refined nature,” she teased, handing him a full mug of coffee with the two spoons of sugar he’d deny ever liking. 

“You complete me,” Tony practically inhaled the coffee. “But remind me again why we’re pretending to hate each other in front of the rest of the team?”

“Because it’s hilarious to me how trained agents, geniuses, and a literal god haven’t managed to figure us out yet,” she replied. She brushed her hair behind her ear, one of her few nervous tells. “Also, I don’t want to share this with the rest of the world yet, okay? I want this to just be ours for a little while longer.”

He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “It  _ is  _ pretty funny,” he agreed. “We can keep this up as long as you want us to. They’re never going to catch on, anyway.”

  1. **Clint**



Natasha practically threw her damaged Widow’s Bites on one of Tony’s lab desks (far from anything volatile, she’d learned her lesson when one of his prototypes had blown up when they were ignoring lab safety protocols and knocked it off of the table), causing both Clint and Tony’s heads to shoot up in surprise.

Tony had been working with Clint on the next model of his explosive arrows. Clint was lobbying for glitter, but Tony thought that it would be impractical for general combat situations, but  _ hilarious  _ in every other context. He’d add glitter to a couple, of course, to field test the idea, but he had a feeling that Steve in particular would disapprove. In truth, that made the idea that much more attractive. When Natasha burst into the room, he dropped his drafting pencil in surprise.

Natasha’s near-violent entrance made sense; if anyone was to cotton onto their ruse, it would be Clint. Not only was the man a trained SHIELD agent, but he also knew Natasha the best out of everyone. It stood to reason that Natasha would put on more of a show for him. Tony put on his best look of indifference, hoping to match her. He was sure he was nowhere close to her level, but he figured it was good enough. 

“Romanov,” he greeted. “You can just put that anywhere, I don’t mind.”

“It broke,” she said by way of explanation. “Can you fix it or should I take it to SHIELD R&D?”

Tony made an offended noise. “I made it, of course I can fix it,” he huffed. “Why even ask dumb questions like that?”

Natasha cocked an eyebrow in response. “I’ll be back later to pick them up.”

“They’ll be done,” Tony said dismissively, waving his hand at her and turning his full attention back to Clint. She walked out of the room with another word on silent feet, but both men noticed her leave.

“Brr,” Clint shivered exaggeratedly as soon as the doors closed behind her. “Are you two reenacting the Cold War down here? Should I be worried about nukes?”

Tony hid his satisfaction from a ruse well-played. Clint had fallen for it, hook, line, and sinker. “Don’t be ridiculous, Birdbrain,” he said lightly. “We’re being adults and professionals, something you could stand to learn a little about. Now, about those glitter arrows, are you thinking glitter  _ bombs _ ? Because that’s what I’m thinking.”

  1. **Bruce**



Everyone knew that Tony was an absolutely terrible cook. What fewer people knew was that Natasha was somehow worse. She claimed it was because none of them had a taste for proper Russian food, but Tony argued that even proper Russian food couldn’t possibly consist of medium-rare chicken and no spices. 

As punishment for the resulting bickering turned food fight, Bruce had paired them up for Cooking Night. Bruce-- the only Avenger who could cook with any sort of skill-- ruled the kitchen with an iron spatula. Since Steve had instituted mandatory team bonding, Bruce had been overseeing Cooking Nights, where one (or two) of them had to cook a meal for the rest of the team. Clint’s mac and cheese had been a success, Steve’s boiled chicken less so, and now it was Natasha and Tony’s turn.

“Maybe this will help you two learn to get along,” Bruce had said, giving them a stern glance as he left the kitchen.

Somehow, when two terrible cooks worked together, they didn’t magically become decent cooks. Tony realized that as he taste-tested their creation. He honestly couldn’t say exactly what was in it; he’d lost track after Natasha had pushed him (gently) out of the way of the pot for the fourth time. He had the feeling they’d been making two different dishes.

“Well,” he said, putting the spoon back in the pot. “It is technically food, but that’s about all I can say about it.”

Natasha rolled her eyes. “It tastes fine,” she said. “A little too much garlic, and you went overboard with the basil, but it’s fine.”

“You have no taste,” he said, giving her a cheeky smile. “If anything, there’s not  _ enough _ garlic.”

“You and your obsession with garlic, I swear,” she huffed. “Not every dish needs a whole bulb of garlic in it.”

“Of course you’d say that, Miss  _ if I add a single spice to my food, I’ll die _ ,” he shot back, sticking out his tongue. 

“Are you two fighting already?” Bruce said tiredly as he walked into the kitchen. “I figured I should come make sure you hadn’t killed each other, and it looks like I came in right in time.” 

Tony snorted. “She’s playing the long game,” he whispered conspiratorially to Bruce. “I think she slipped arsenic into the food. It only takes a little bit at a time, you know, and then we’re all losing hair and dropping dead.”

Natasha spooned out a bowl of… well, Tony had no idea what it was, and handed it to him. “Arsenic is too good for you,” she said sweetly. “Also, far too much effort. I’d use a faster-acting poison than that.”

“Bruce, darling, can you test my food for poison?” Tony asked, moving to hand over his bowl of unidentifiable sludge. “As a favor for your favorite science bro?”

“I’m not getting involved,” Bruce held his hands up in surrender. He peeked in the bowl, morbid curiosity on his face. “But, uh, why don’t we just order a pizza? That way there’s no arsenic and no… is that an unchopped clove of garlic? And why is there so much basil?”

Natasha laughed so hard she cried while Tony gave the pair his best death glare.

**+1. Thor**

Thor knew there was more between Tony and Natasha than they were letting on. Sure, he played the fool, but he’d been raised a prince of Asgard; he was far from stupid when it came to subterfuge and relationships. Natasha and Tony, while they were good at hiding things, were no match for a centuries-old prince who grew up with  _ Loki _ . 

He was content to let them play their game, though. He had to admit that it was amusing to watch. He had little faith that the other Avengers would figure out the ruse, if only because Tony and Natasha were that good. Thor figured that they’d tell the team when they were ready. Until then, he could keep his mouth shut.

Until Iron Man fell out of the sky and Natasha stopped pretending she hated him. 

Thor was too far away to catch Tony when the villain’s hit struck true, sending the dead suit crashing to the ground hard. Natasha’s scream of rage drowned out anything else on the coms.

“JARVIS, what’s Iron Man’s status?” Steve asked tersely after a beat of silence.

“Alive but unconscious,” JARVIS replied, his voice sounding alarmingly human and full of concern for his creator. 

“Thor, get him out of here,” ordered Steve. Thor hummed an affirmative and sped to where Tony had fallen. 

The site was a disaster, and not just because of the crater Tony was laying in. There were decimated robot parts all around, and in the middle stood a panting and bloody Natasha, guarding Tony’s prone body. She must have taken on a whole swarm to protect him, all by herself. Thor had no idea how she’d done it, especially given the amount of trouble the robots had been giving them up to that point.

Natasha’s guns were trained on Thor as soon as he landed, her eyes wild. After a moment, she put them down, recognizing him as an ally, though she still stood protectively in front of Tony.

“Take him back to the Tower,” she said, steel in her voice. “JARVIS has called ahead; the medbay is already ready for him.”

Thor bent down and hefted Tony in his arms as gently as he could. “Aye,” he said gravely, resisting the urge to reassure Natasha. He had a feeling the woman wouldn’t take kindly to it. “Will you meet us there?”

Shock flitted across Natasha’s face, likely at the realization that Thor knew what she and Tony were to each other, but it disappeared quickly as she nodded wordlessly. She waved them on and turned her back, though Thor suspected that was more about the pain that seeing Tony’s limp body caused her. He flew off to the sound of her guns firing as she rejoined the fight. He had a feeling it would be over  _ very  _ soon.

Hours later, when Natasha was laying next to Tony in his hospital bed, their hands intertwined and hair curled together on the pillow they shared, Thor shushed the rest of the team and herded them out of the room. Their inevitable questions and comments could wait for another day; for now, Thor would make sure no one bothered them. 

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos make me happy :))
> 
> come talk to me on tumblr [@imposter-human](https://imposter-human.tumblr.com/)


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